Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
