i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
