I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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