Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
