Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
