Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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