I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
