I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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