You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
