You can't motorboat a personality
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
only you would photoshop your dick
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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