watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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