DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
