Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
