I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
third nipple confirmed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
