theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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