I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
