This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
