Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
