it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
