Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
