i jhust puked up my retainher.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
