I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm passing your future prison.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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