I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
