I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
