i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
