Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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