He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Randomize
