I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
