C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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