Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
