we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
