just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
