I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
