Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
