Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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