She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
