I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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