mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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