as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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