k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
did i just pee glitter
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