I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
