My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
