Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
