Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
