you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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