And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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