One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There r osticjed everywhere
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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