I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize