he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
