I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am mentally ready for anal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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